Porn Reviews

REID MY LIPS: Daddy’s Grease Monkey

This film has everything porn viewers expect from a 10 and a half minute video these days: Booty licking, squirting, and questionable familial ties. I give this film 10/10 binoculars from prying neighbours, and one call to social services.

For some fucked up reason, step-family story lines are all the rage in pornography these days. And surely, even the most casual of porn viewers are aware of this fact. It seems you can’t pull out your Lubriderm and gym sock without coming face to face with titles such as, “Giving His Stepmom a Mother’s Day Gift” and “Finally Fucked My Step Brother While Dad Was Out of Town” (both real titles, BTW). Many porn producers are very careful to avoid biological familial ties in their films, because I guess the real thing is just a little too over the line for viewers. But throw in the word “step” in front of “mother,” “father,” “sister,” or “brother”, and suddenly you have one of the most popular categories of pornography in the world today. Personally, this genre of pornography doesn’t do it for me. However, as I’ve gone down the rabbit hole of adult film blogging, reviewing such a film has become unavoidable. So, for the sake of staying relevant, this week we are taking a look at Reid My Lips’ “Daddy’s Grease Monkey”, or what PornHub has rebranded to, “HOT BROAD TEEN FUCKS STEPDAD.”

Ah, Riley Reid. The Porn Blogging Code of Professional Conduct dictates that I shouldn’t pick favourites, but Riley Reid is definitely one of my favourite stars. Why? Well, first of all she’s a goddamn smoke show of a woman. She is so tiny and adorable, I just want to pick her up and put her in my pocket. She has a personality, and she is hilarious (come on, her Instagram handle is @baconbootyy for christ sake). She can squirt like a geyser. And she confidently rocks a bush like it’s fucking 1975. Every time I watch a Riley Reid film, I consider throwing away my razor.

Riley sets the scene, bent over the popped hood of her car with a wrench in hand. In a voiceover, she gushes about her new stepdad: “Oh my god, my mom recently married the most incredible, sexiest hunk I have ever laid my eyes on.” Riley goes on to confess, “And to be quite honest, I think he has more of a thing for me than her.” In the background, we see her stepdad coming out of the house. If this weren’t a pornographic film, I would assume he was coming outside to scold his “teenage” stepdaughter for wearing daisy dukes that cover approximately 30% of her ass in the middle of the driveway. But, I know better than that.

Riley’s stepdad is played by Spanish porn actor, Ramón Nomar. Ramón doesn’t look a day over 35, and I would guess Riley is around 24 years old. Since these two are supposed to be in stepfather-stepdaughter relationship, naturally the first thing I have to do is verify their ages. A quick Google search tells me Ramón is 43 years old, and Riley is 26. A seventeen year age gap. Hmm… Plausible enough. I guess their story checks out.

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My personal go-to outfit when doing mechanical work in front of my house.

“What’s wrong this time?” Ramón asks, as he approaches Riley.

“Something…” She says, nonchalantly scratching her head with her wrench. “It’s smoking. That’s all I know.”

I enjoy a film most when you are able to relate to the characters, and Riley looking under the hood of her broken down car, covered in grease, with no sweet clue what the fuck she’s looking at is all very relatable to me. Personally, I know absolutely nothing about cars except what colour they are, and that they can get me from point A to point B. Unlike Riley though, the last time I had car issues, I was assisted by a kindly homeless man who smelled like urine and cigarettes. When you have car troubles in the realm of pornography, you will be assisted by a hot, muscular Spanish man who probably smells like amber and pine needles.

Ramón takes a look at the car and discovers the issue is “the belt.” How suggestive! Riley gets on her knees and offers to show Ramón how much she appreciates his help. She unbuttons his jeans, and pulls out Ramón’s pre-fluffed penis. Ramón is large, clean shaven, and has just the right amount of foreskin to not be distracting.

Riley takes Ramón’s dick into her mouth so deeply she begins to gag. You can tell this is challenging for her, but she approaches the task with an impressive level of enthusiasm. “Oh my god, your dick tastes so good,” Riley says between hauls on Ramón’s dick. I’m skeptical. With that amount of foreskin, it can’t taste that good. Riley’s eyes well up through her efforts. While Riley gets an A for effort, my constructive criticism for her would be to use more saliva. After all, it’s nature’s lubrication, and no one has ever complained that a blow job was too wet.

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An appropriate thank you gesture. (Even though, he didn’t even actually fix anything yet.)

Because this film is just hitting all of today’s hottest porn trends, the scene transitions to Ramón giving Riley a booty licking. Ramón is now stark naked, just going to town on Riley’s booty, right there in the middle of the driveway! I really hope their property is well treed. What will the neighbours think?

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How else will the neighbourhood kids learn that booty licking is all the rage?

Ramón stands up, with his muscular ass presented to the entire neighbourhood, and asks, “Do you want that cock?”

Riley eagerly replies, “Yes, please!”

Ramón bends Riley over her vehicle and slides himself into her from behind. This dynamic stepdad-stepdaughter duo thrust rhythmically together, while I assume Mom watches with disapproval from the second floor balcony window.

Ramón lifts Riley’s leg, and her trademark bush peaks out from underneath her thong underwear. Suddenly, Ramón pulls out his dick and Riley squirts all over her car. I’m going to think twice next time I pay $14.95 for a carwash.

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An affordable car-washing solution.

Ramón then picks Riley up so that his stepdaughter is splayed out facing anyone who might decide to drive past their house. I hope no one’s called neighbourhood watch. Ramón bounces Riley on his dick until she squirts, yet again. I find myself genuinely worried about her. The sun is beating down on the hot driveway, and this girl is losing fluids fast. I feel like a responsible stepdad would bring her some cold water and a sunhat. But I guess Ramón isn’t really the responsible stepdad-type.

The scene cuts to Ramón laid out on the front seat of the car, while Riley rides him reverse cowgirl. I’ve got to hand it to them; this is by far the most sneaky position they’ve chosen so far, as they are lower to the ground and are partially concealed by the car door. Although, Riley’s moans are troublesome enough for Linda from next door to make a noise complaint to the police.

The two soon realize being concealed from prying eyes simply just isn’t any fun, and they make it up to all of the neighbourhood voyeurs by laying Riley down onto the hood of the car while Ramón performs cunnilingus on her. Ramón then fucks Riley hard as she lays on the hood of the car, choking her for good measure. Riley switches between massaging her petite breasts and aggressively rubbing her clit.

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Linda from next door has definitely grabbed her binoculars by now.

The scene cuts, and we see Ramón finish in Riley’s mouth. Cum drips all over her face, as she enthusiastically licks it up. Well, hopefully that will keep her full all evening, because I don’t want to begin to imagine how awkward tonight’s family dinner will be.

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